What is Masking and Why Do Neurodivergent People Do It?

If Only They Looked That Cool

Hello,

Derrick here, licensed marriage and family therapist for neurodivergent professionals in Seattle, Washington. Today, I want to talk to you about masking.

Masking is a blanket term for the compensatory behaviors that neurodivergent (including autism and adhd) engage in to fit in with normal society. It involves a lot of suppressing of impulses that come naturally to them. While we all have to "behave" to a certain extent in the world, for neurodivergent individuals there is often an extra step they have to take-especially in professional settings.

Okay, now that the normies are no longer reading lets chat future client. You know how you are at work and sometimes you get really excited about something, and you make a mistake and show too much excitement? And so after you deal with people's awkward stares of disapproval you make a concerted effort to never respond that way again? That is masking. And it's why you are so tired after work-more than you normally would be.

But that isn't the only way you mask at work. Do you stop yourself from shaking your legs or other extremities? Do you answer the question "How are you today", with "I'm fine" when secretly you're freaking out because the world is on fire and everyone else pretends it's not?

Do you act like you "get the joke", when in reality you believe it is a really mean thing to say to someone and you can't understand why someone would do that? That is masking.

Sometimes you do mask on purpose and for many of you, it is something you picked up along the way after repeated experiences of being punished for not doing so. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to mask in public settings. It is like driving a car with the handbrake on. And, if you don't do something to replenish that energy-you might find yourself stuck in a state of functional freeze.

Basically, you will do the bare minimum necessary to survive and not much else. This means lots of rotting in the bed, doomscrolling on tik tok or other social media, and being upset with yourself for not reaching goals you have outside of working.

There are a few things you can do to help with this. The first is simply recognizing that you are doing it. It can be hard to notice, but if you find yourself letting go of a big sigh after social interactions at work-that is a big sign. Additionally, if you feel yourself engaging in repetitive behaviors at work such as rocking back in forward, biting your fingernails, or having visions of attacking individuals in your office-you might be overwhelmed from masking all day.

Make sure that you are drinking water and that, after work, you have a good transition to your normal self. Surrounding yourself with friends that you can be yourself with helps as well. While there is some level of concealment of identity that you will have to go through to survive-you also need to cultivate spaces where you can act without worrying that you will be judged. One place you should never have to worry about masking is in therapy, and I have both been in a situation where I have done so and met clients who have as well. As a neurodivergent therapist I am keenly aware of how that affects the therapy environment. If you are interested in working with a therapist who can give you tips for managing your work environments as well as gaining insight on yourself click the button below. You may have to mask in public, but I will help make sure it is at least a good one.

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